QUESTION: How do I start a collaborative divorce?

You may contact us to retain me. Your spouse should go to www.yourdivorcechoice.com and pick an attorney from that list. If you are not comfortable discussing it with your spouse, then we can discuss alternatives when I meet with you. Once I have met with you, and your spouse has met with his/her attorney, then the attorneys will arrange the first 4-way meeting. For further explanation of the process, see "What is the Collaborative Process".

QUESTION: Can we use the same attorney?

No. The collaborative process works because both attorneys are trained to represent his/her own client’s interest, as well as to work as a team towards settlement. One attorney cannot represent both of you. I can, however, assist both of you in drawing up settlement agreements you have already reached on your own. In this process, I do not represent either of you, but simply draft your documents.

QUESTION: What if I want to hire you as a litigation attorney?

I urge all my clients to examine their circumstances to determine whether they are candidates for the collaborative process. Most of you are, and just need to recognize that. But if you believe that litigation is the method for which you need to dissolve your marriage, then contact me for my availability.

QUESTION: Is the collaborative process cheaper than litigation?

Yes. It is not inexpensive, but it is definitely cheaper than a litigation type divorce in the Tulsa area. In litigation, an attorney spends about half of his/her time arguing, debating, and threatening the other side in order to have demands met. We get rid of all that in the collaborative process. There is no preparation for trial, since there is no trial. The collaborative process is at least half the cost of litigation. Since each case is individual, I cannot give you the actual cost, but I can guarantee that it will be cheaper.

QUESTION: How is the collaborative process different from litigation?

In litigation I represent you. Your spouse is represented by an attorney. The spouses never talk. The attorneys argue and position themselves in order to “win” the case. I will make a long list of documents and questions I want your spouse to answer. The opposing counsel will do the same to you. We will have hearings on whether I am entitled to certain documents, where the children will spend the night, and who is going to pay what bills. These things can be accomplished in one 2-hour meeting in the collaborative process. In litigation, all of the attorneys’ work drives the parties further apart. The parties are lucky if they can speak civilly to one another after the attorneys have done their jobs. In a collaborative process we instill respect and cooperation. Each meeting has goals towards meeting both of your needs. We work as a team to figure out what the family can best afford, and what is best for the children. This gives you a platform in which to begin a cooperative relationship after divorce.

QUESTION: How is this different from mediation?

Mediation is a process where a third party facilitates an agreement. In the collaborative process, both attorneys act as facilitators towards the agreement. We cut out the “middle man.” In addition, the pure method of mediation is often not practiced in the Tulsa area for divorce. Mediation is sometimes handled as a settlement negotiation where arms are twisted and the poorest points of your case are enhanced in order to force you to settle. Rarely do people come out of these kinds of mediations feeling like they have successfully agreed to settlement. They feel coerced into it.

QUESTION: How is this different from arbitration?

Arbitration is simply private litigation. There is a judge, witnesses, and testimony. It is not as formal as a trial. It can be effective for some issues, but it still is what we call an “adversarial” proceeding. By its very nature, arbitration causes the parties to be oppositional to one another. Pretty soon it becomes a contest of wills on who will win, rather than how both parties can reach a beneficial settlement.

QUESTION: What if we have an agreement already, but just need a lawyer to write it up?

I am available to assist you in writing up the documents. If I am hired as simply a person to draft documents, my allegiance is to neither of you and I cannot give advice. If one of you would like to hire me and you ask me for advice, I can then represent you (and only you), draft the documents as you wish, and then help you take the divorce.

QUESTION: Is this only for divorce?

No. This way of resolving disputes works for any type of disagreement. The key is having attorneys who are trained to work with and not against each other.

Mediation is a process where a third party facilitates an agreement between the parties.

Arbitration is a process where the parties submit evidence and testimony in an informal fashion, and the arbitrator makes a decision for the parties.

I hope you have found this DontFightAboutIt.com website useful. Don't fight about it. Use the collaborative process in your divorce. Maintain the respect your relationship deserves. Contact Barbara Bartlett for your divorce in the Tulsa area.